I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
