Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
