My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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