We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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