Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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