I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
