I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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