are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
