First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
