when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
