I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
