this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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