Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
