my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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