I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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