if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
