so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
