Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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