I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
