$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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