my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i came on her dog
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
