Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
