she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
