you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
