Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
