i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
