Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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