Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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