he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
