Whatcha textin bout Willis?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
