Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
farters have to be the big spoon...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
