doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
