You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The air taste purple.
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