I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
