he told me I talked like a deaf person
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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