Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
