Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
