Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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