I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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