Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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