Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
