Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
420 ftw
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
