When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
