you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
