dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
