I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
