Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
