You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
