I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
