how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
