Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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