haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
