So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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