nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
