just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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