I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
